Recently, I’ve been able to think about happy memories with Molly and not crumble. I remember a visit to the zoo with her. At one point, she started crawling on all fours like the bears we saw. It was so cute. It’s a good feeling when I can think of her and be happy.
I was having a rough day and I was so upset. The sun was out, it was a nice day, and a ladybug landed on the driver side window. I think it was Kai telling me it was going to be okay. I don’t like bugs very much, but ladybugs are different. They’re quiet, they don’t make any noise just like Kai. He’s my pride and joy.
All of our children have a color we associate with them. Evelyn is coral pink because that was the main color of her nursery. James is yellow because after the miscarriage I received many bouquets all with bright yellow tulips. Lilian is purple, even though she will tell you that her favorite color is blue. We’re lucky because when we look at a sunset, we can see our children saying hello from heaven.
You sent so many signs to us during those first months when things were so hard and when we needed it the most. Little bits of yellow here and there. The rest of our family saw them too in butterflies or birds. I planted a garden for you and decorated it with a yellow stone that says “This Little Light of Mine,” and scattered sunflower seeds around it. It’s all for you, Brooke.
I didn’t want to take any photos without Bella, but my friends insisted. In the photo I am standing next to my son who has the biggest smile on his face and my hair is blowing in the wind. The beach is behind us and the sun is above. And somehow in the sunshine, there is an outline of Bella with a sunbeam shining down on my face.